There is No “Safe Space” for Sex Positive Businesses on the Web

Some examples of my "offensive" art work.

Some examples of my “offensive” art work.

I am a love warrior. Every day I fight to do the things that I love, and have meaning for me. My heart is in creative work, communications and sex education. I am lucky enough to make my living this way. But it’s also an incredibly difficult and painful life I have chosen for myself in some ways (even if I would not have it any other way).

I am a writer, sex educator, and artist who makes sex-positive artwork. I have a lot of people tell me how important the work I do is for promoting a healthy sex positive society. I am not afraid to put myself in the public eye as an advocate for healthy sexuality. However, I do get a lot of messages as a businessperson that my work is not okay, challenges that sometimes threaten my livelihood. Here’s a few examples of some of the challenges I’ve struggled with in recent times:

Etsy informed me that my products (this sacred amulet imported from a Buddhist temple in Japan, specifically) needed to be obscured and tagged due to their mature content. I’m fine with tagging my items, but was frustrated that I couldn’t actually SHOW what I was selling in the thumbnail. I’ve found some acceptable hacks: blurring out nipples on my pin-up altars, artful cropping of vulva pendants. (AASECT blogged about my struggles with Etsy here). I am in the process of creating my own retail site where I don’t have to censor my work in addition to my Etsy shop, but it frustrates me that I am subjected to censorship (which negatively impacts sales), and I am pretty certain that my art will never show up on their front page, and I will never be a featured seller. But hey, at least they allow me to sell “mature” art instead of banning me entirely?

On a similar note, several of the more mainstream websites I write for will not feature my articles about sex-related topics on their front pages, or even promote the pieces through their official social media channels, which means it’s pretty much my sole responsibility to make sure people can find the writing at all.

The thing that finally pushed me to write this blog post is that Paypal decided to close down both my business and personal accounts without any warning or way to appeal. Fortunately I have a habit of withdrawing my funds promptly when I receive them and did not lose any money when this happened, but it felt like a slap on the face. They would not give me a specific reason as to why my accounts were terminated, and informed me that I have no avenue to appeal the closures. Apparently Paypal has a rather arbitrary vendetta against people whose businesses even tangentially involve sex-related content, even when it is completely legal. This didn’t just affect my business- I can’t even receive payments completely unrelated to my business anymore. This blog post is geared to more traditional sex workers but it really highlights how virtually every online payment option discriminates against people who do work related to sex.

The free market isn’t free when the morality police make it virtually impossible for people to engage even in COMPLETELY LEGAL COMMERCE. I’m selling artwork for chrissakes, though artists, like those who do work related to sex, are also a stigmatized class that have been historically targeted for harassment and censorship.

I don’t have much more to say about this other than I will continue to do my best to do creative work I feel is necessary and important against these odds. As they say, “Well behaved women (or genderqueers in my case) seldom make history,” and I’m fresh out of fucks to give.

My Response to 50 Shades of Grey on CBS News

Check out some of Janet Hardy's books if you want the real lowdown on BD/SM!

Check out some of Janet Hardy’s books if you want the real lowdown on BDSM!

I don’t really care about 50 Shades of Grey, but I do care about destigmatizing kink, and promoting BD/SM safety and consent. I gave my comments about the realities of kink (as opposed to the fantasy of 50SofG) and how I think it can be an awesome, pleasurable thing when done in safe, consensual ways.

Read the whole article here:

With “Fifty Shades of Grey,” BDSM goes mainstream

Here are some books other than 50 Shades of Grey I recommend if you are looking to learn more about Kink:

Playing Well with Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Exploring and Navigating the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities by Lee Harrington and Mollena Williams

The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book by Janet Hardy

And if you just want some kinky and sexy fiction to read, Jacqueline Carey’s Kusheline Trilogy and Laura Antoniou’s The Marketplace Trilogy are lots of fun!

The Sweethome Sex Toy Guides are finally here!

Photo by me, courtesy of The Sweethome.

Photo by me, courtesy of The Sweethome.

I’ve spent the past six months of my life conducting EXTREMELY SCIENTIFIC research on sex toys for awesome consumer review site The Wirecutter’s sister site The Sweethome. The three guides I created finally went live today!

They are linked at the bottom of the site’s Valentine’s Day guide:

The three freestanding articles can be seen at the following links:

If nothing else, check out the sweet ass sex toy gifs I created!


I hope you enjoy reading these guides as much as I enjoyed creating them! And if you enjoyed reading them, please consider sharing them on social media!



Hello and welcome!


Welcome to the first post of my new blog…

My multi-user content site still exists but hasn’t been updated in a while, and I plan to start blogging here from now on.

Who the hell am I? I’m a sex educator, freelance writer and sex-positive artist. I have a MPH from Indiana University, where I worked at the Kinsey Institute blogging about sex. I made a documentary about improving access to healthcare for transgender folks which I’m currently raising funds to make a part 2 and 3 for.

I will continue to post updates about my projects here, as well as original content…I’m currently working on a post about how my favorite 1980’s workout DVD is giving me life all over again.